“Write your sad times in sand; Write your good times in stone.” – George Bernard Shaw
So first of all I have to massively apologise for not having blogged in so long (Since October 2012!!) EPIC FAIL. Blogging more was on my ‘New Years’ resolutions, but as with many of them I have failed miserably. I also haven’t done so well at reading my Bible, or many other things.
But as the above quote so beautifully says, today I am going to focus on the positives. My key desire is to love God, know Him more and live justly for Him. Whilst I may feel like I’m failing day to day at many of the things I want to do, I feel comforted at least that I am still striving for this.
2012 was a year of massive highs and lows for me. I had goals to get more involved in Church; I ended up starting serving on kids team then stopped, and hardly make it to small group. I wanted to ‘get fit’: I ended up finally being diagnosed with CFS/ ME and slowly have been coming to terms with that. I wanted to spend more time with my friends doing fun things; I ended up spending more alone time than ever and bailing on a lot of events I was longing to go to, but also spending some incredible quality time with amazing friends. I wanted to blog more and read my Bible in a year; I ended up blogging quite a lot in 2012 and through it finding release for some of the things going on in my head. The Bible reading however I struggled with, partly due to tiredness, mostly I think due to frustration with life. I wanted to develop in my work and glorify God more in it; I ended up changing my contract to a lower role and less days due to my health. I wanted to gain financial stability; I ended up worse off than ever due to less work.
I wanted to know the plans God has for me; I am currently more confused than ever about what my future holds.
I wanted to know God more… To rely on Him more… A risky prayer if ever there was one.
Yet as I said- this is about the positives. In 2012 I opened my life up to God in ways I hadn’t before. I shared my story and life with people in ways I didn’t think I ever would, because I’ve come so far. I had a real revelation of who God is to me and all He has brought me from and in to.
I had some incredible experiences with ‘Stop the Traffik’ (https://ariannewinslow.wordpress.com/2012/09/) and the beginning of ‘Restored for such a time as this’ (www.restoredfor.org.uk) and I really believe God showed me clearly His heart for compassion, for the vulnerable, the lowest and the least, like never before in my life.
I began 2013 with a fair amount of disappointment from the year before, and needing a new revelation of God’s grace. I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life in so many ways, yet perhaps exactly where God needed me to be. Again this year I have committed to drawing closer to God, whatever the cost. I am seeking healing and the ability to forgive myself when I feel I’ve let myself down.
“Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy. Their faces will never be covered with shame” Psalm 34:5.
This is my prayer for 2013. Perhaps not as last year, that like the Proverbs 31 woman ‘I will laugh without fear of the future’, but more so that even in my sad times I will let them wash away, cling to the good, and look to Him for help so rather than just happiness I will experience true JOY!
“The Lord is close to the broken hearted” Ps 34:18. “He rescues those whose spirits are crushed” Ill, downtrodden, disappointed, low… “The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time” v 19.
I have also decided rather that bashing myself all the time about where God wants to take me, and what I’m supposed to be doing, as so many people my age do (quarter life crisis much) to try more to simply focus on my passions; to help the broken, lost, and most vulnerable.
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.” Luke 4:18-19
If I focus on this I don’t think I can go too far wrong. God has already opened up so many doors with Restored and my heart against human trafficking, and with my own story and heart for children, more of which I will share soon.
Some of my ‘resolutions’ for this year have been fairly easy so far. I decided after reading so much about the coco industry and the effects of child labour that this year I would buy only Fair Trade chocolate. I am loving eating chocolate with no guilt (except perhaps for my waist line). Here are a couple of articles to encourage you too…
I also have one ‘resolution’ which has really impacted me and the way I view things. During Advent I saw a challenge from my home Church to find 2 things each day to be grateful for. 1 ‘spiritual’ 1 more ‘natural’. Some days this was incredibly easy, others much harder. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but remembering those things, sometimes on bad day was quite hard. I posted these things each day on my Facebook and Twitter to encourage those in my life, and was surprised at how much I encouraged myself. During the Christmas holidays (a time I had a lot to be thankful for) I then saw on ‘Pinterest’ the ‘Gratitude Jar’. Again a similar concept. Start in the New Year, fill the jar with notes of things you are thankful for, and read them at the end of the year to remember all the awesome things. I loved this idea, and decided as well as social media, this is a great way to ‘write my good times on stone’.
It has been so great, especially in the very small and sometimes insignificant things, to remember to be thankful for all I have!!
Here are a few examples of things I’m grateful for from the year so far…
- The official launch of ‘Restored for such a time as this’. Jan 18th
- A really encouraging conversation with the ME specialist. May 1st
- Meeting my lovely friends Alex and Claire in London for the day. March 16th
- A birthday surprise to see ‘Wicked’ with my girls. March 5th
- Getting our heating fixed after a week broken, during a snowy week! Jan
- Grateful for my incredible Church ‘Hillsong Surrey’ March 10th
- My laptop and ‘Love Film’.
- My mum, Granny and sisters came to stay & day trip into London. Jan 2nd-5th
- An awesome service at G-Live where I got a free ticket to Colour conference 2014. April 28th
- My birthday pj chill out day. March 2nd
- One Direction concert with Shauna. April 2nd
- A day shopping, seeing Les Mis & a haircut. February 27th
- The launch of ‘Home for Good’ (www.homeforgood.org.uk) March 7th
- My amazing friend Hayley came for the weekend & we went to the London Eye. February 23rd
- An awesome time at the Rend Collective Campfire gig where over 50 Compassion kids were sponsored. May 9th
- 25-29th May a lovely trip to Chester to see friends. Then a trip home.
- 12th June- Ben Howard gig with Jude.
- June 29th Afternoon Tea Fundraiser for A21.
- July 19th – A lovely trip home with family. Then Claire’s baby shower.
- 10th August- #27for 27 raising awareness for A21.
- August 24th- Velocity Weekend.
- Friends having beautiful babies!!!
- Sept- Baby Shower for Giulia.
- 16th Sept- A voicemail from the cutest little girl on the planet!
- Sept 20th- An incredibly special trip home to see family ❤ T
- 10th October – New housemate ❤
- Oct 23rd – Mum’s 50th and an amazing time at home ❤
Speaking of being thankful for all we have. Here is a powerful video to end from Compassion with some staggering statistics:
I hope you’ve been encouraged.
Love as ever xxx